She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
