he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It was a blind-side dick pic.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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