just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize