Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
