Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
