I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
