now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
