i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
