you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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