dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
