I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
