great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize