take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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