I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
