i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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