smell my finger.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
