is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
