At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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