bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize