so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
