He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
