We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
