I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
