I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
