Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
