Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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