i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize