Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
