I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
