a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
