On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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