My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
