i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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