the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
