Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
