how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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