Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
