i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
