Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
