yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
