My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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