So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
