No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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