am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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