im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
being pregnant is like rehab
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
