he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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