Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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