When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
