Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Green mimosas i think yes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
