Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
