the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
