You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
