I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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