Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
