my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize