What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
