im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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