Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
