didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
