Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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