hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
