if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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