Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
