so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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