Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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