Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
