Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
