if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
