PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
